What to Do if Your Therapist Crosses a B

What to Do if Your Therapist Crosses a Boundary?

Article by Leah Cram, LCSW

Therapy is supposed to be a safe place. But what happens when the professional you’re trusting crosses a line?

Therapists are people too, which means they aren’t perfect and may make mistakes that can be acknowledged and corrected. However, like in any industry, there is also potential for practitioners who cause harm; knowingly or unknowingly. This article is a guide of what to do if you are feeling unsure about what is happening in your therapy sessions.

First, recognize that feeling uncomfortable doesn’t automatically mean your therapist is crossing boundaries. It is common for therapists to challenge your point of view, set limits, ask difficult questions, or point out patterns and provide feedback that may feel difficult to acknowledge. All of the above often bring up feelings of discomfort – and sometimes that discomfort is a meaningful part of the therapeutic work.

Before taking immediate action, pause and ask yourself: was that feeling discomfort? If so, why? Was that situation truly unethical? If necessary, write down what happened or bounce your experience off a trusted friend or family member for clarity before deciding upon your course of action.

If you decide that the discomfort was not due to unethical behavior by the therapist, bring it to your next session - a therapist who is committed to your professional relationship will be glad you did. Bringing your experience to your therapist’s attention can create an opportunity for your feelings to be validated, as well as foster a chance for healthy repair between your therapist and yourself. In doing so, you are strengthening the therapeutic alignment for more attuned sessions moving forward, as well as practicing proactive relational skills. Note, if you bring your experience to your therapist and they do not receive your feedback well, that is also important information for you to notice and evaluate whether this therapeutic relationship is the right fit for you.

If you determine the situation to be unethical, a more serious course of action may need to follow. It is important to note; some boundary violations are more significant than others. Not every concern needs to be handled directly with your therapist first. If you feel threatened, coerced, sexually harassed, exploited, or otherwise unsafe, you do not owe your therapist a conversation about it before ending therapy sessions and/or seeking outside help. Remember: you are allowed to terminate sessions at any time, for any reason.

Consider seeking another therapist for a second opinion or to transfer your care, as well ask for a copy of your records in case further documentation of the ethical boundary violation is needed in the future. Licensed therapists are regulated by a professional licensing board or regulatory body. If you feel unsafe, look up your therapist's license and contact the appropriate regulatory board for your state. You will be practicing skills of advocacy and may prevent another client from future harm.

Boundary concerns and violations

Here are some examples of boundary issues that may arise within a therapeutic relationship:

Personal Focus: Your therapist frequently talks about their own personal life or makes sessions feel centered around them. Occasionally, it is appropriate for therapists to self-disclose. However, if the self-disclosure feels unintentional or like it is shifting the focus away from the client, then it is problematic.
Financial & Operational Patterns: Your therapist charges more than your agreed-upon fee without appropriate notice or repeatedly violates your agreed-upon cancellation policy. The therapeutic relationship is reciprocal and based on mutual respect and consideration.
Severe Violations: Your therapist makes sexual comments, asks for sexual contact, pursues a romantic relationship, or pressures you into a personal relationship—including online or on social media. Therapists are trained extensively in ethics and know that romantic relationships of any type with clients are unethical.

How would you handle the above situations? Have you experienced ethical issues in therapy before? If you have any questions, comments, or additions please use the contact box on my website or DM me on Instagram – I’d love to hear your feedback.